Forgiveness Myths
Posted On: October 16, 2019
I listened quietly as my friend Jamie told me the frank details of the sexual abuse she'd suffered as a child. "I hate my father!" she blurted out. "He abused me for more than a decade!" Jamie cried. "But my pastor said if I want to heal from my childhood pain, I have to forgive."
"What did you tell your pastor?" I asked. "I told him I could never forgive my father, that I didn'twant to forgive him, that no one—not even God—wouldexpect me to forgive him!"
Jamie told me all the reasons that kept her from forgiving her abusive father. I'd heard many of them before. In fact, I'd used some of them two years earlier, when a friend I'd trusted to keep a confidence told several women in my Sunday school class about a painful circumstance I was going through. I felt betrayed by my friend—as I should have.
But forgive her? That was the last thing I wanted to do! I dropped out of the Sunday school class and avoided her at church. But a year later, when I reread what the apostle Paul said about forgiveness, his familiar words touched my heart in a special way: "Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you" (Ephesians 4:32, my emphasis).
As I meditated on that verse, I knew I'd been forgiven much. I needed to forgive my friend, even if I didn't feel like it. I decided to do so. Later, when I met her and told her I'd forgiven her, she apologized, and we both cried. I wish I could say she and I became good friends again—but I can't. Her betrayal deeply hurt our friendship, and I was careful never to share another confidence with her. But God's Word and my decision to forgive set me free from bitterness.
Facing the Challenge
Jamie and I are just two of a legion of Christian women who've struggled with forgiveness because it's difficult—almost impossible—to do. Yet in Luke 6:37, Jesus says, "Forgive, and you will be forgiven." He elaborates in Matthew 6:14-15: "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins." The apostle Paul repeats Jesus' command: "Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you" (Colossians 3:13). Surely Paul's "whatever grievances" covers any kind of hurt, betrayal, or injury another person could inflict!
In talking with hundreds of women about forgiveness, I've discovered six myths that keep us from the healing and freedom God desires for you and me.
Myth 1:
Forgiving means the offender didn't really hurt you.Jamie thought if she forgave her father, it lessened the severity of his abuse. Yet Jamie's forgiveness doesn't deny her father hurt her. In fact, it clearly recognizes the enormity of his evil—if Jamie's dad hadn't deliberately caused her pain, she'd have no reason to forgive him.
"Forgiveness is a redemptive response to having been wronged and wounded," wrote author Lewis B. Smedes. "Only those who have wronged and wounded us are candidates for forgiveness. If they injure us accidentally, we excuse them. We only forgive the ones we blame." Choosing to forgive her father acknowledges the pain Jamie endured at his hands. It also begins her healing.
Myth 2:
Forgiving means you excuse the offender's hurtful act. When I chose to forgive my friend, I didn't condone her cruel behavior. Forgiveness, I've discovered, is a response that seeks to redeem the hurt, not brush it off. An accidental "slip of the tongue" needs no forgiveness because it isn't deliberately caused. Intentional hurts—like my friend's betrayal—need forgiveness. When I forgave my friend, my forgiveness didn't lessen the impact of her painful action. But forgiveness unlocked my own "prison" of bitterness.
Myth 3:
Before forgiving, you must first understand why the offender hurt you. On December 1, 1997, Missy Jenkins, a sophomore at Heath High School in Paducah, Kentucky, stood with her classmates and prayed before school started. Before they said their final "amen," 14-year-old Michael Carneal pulled out a pistol and fired 11 shots into the student prayer group. One bullet severely damaged Missy's spinal cord. Paralyzed from the waist down, Missy will spend her life in a wheelchair.
Missy doesn't know the reason her classmate deliberately hurt her. Michael may not understand his reasons. But that didn't keep Missy from choosing to forgive him.
"I believe hating him is wasted emotion," Missy says. "Hating Michael won't make me walk again. Besides, I know it isn't what Jesus would do."
Our human mind yearns to make all the confusing puzzle pieces fit together neatly before we forgive. However, the truth is we can forgive an offender even if we never discover the reasons for the inflicted pain. Author Philip Yancey writes in What's So Amazing About Grace, "Not to forgive imprisons me in the past and locks out all potential for change. I thus yield control to another, my enemy, and doom myself to suffer the consequences of the wrong."
Myth 4:
Before forgiving the offender, you must feel forgiving. Forgiveness has nothing to do with how you feel. You can feel hurt, betrayed, and angry, and still completely forgive the one who wounded you. Biblical forgiveness is an act of the will. It's a choice you make.
Can you still feel angry after you forgive? Yes! Anger means you're in touch with reality—it's part of being human. But be careful to aim that anger at what your offender did, not at the offender herself. Then let your anger push you toward justice.
Myth 5:
Forgiving means the offender will face no consequences. When we choose to forgive someone, our forgiveness doesn't "let him off the hook." Forgiveness also doesn't mean justice shouldn't be served.
In December 1983, Pope John Paul II visited a prisoner, Mehmet Ali Agca, at the Rebibbia prison in Rome. In May 1981, Agca had aimed a pistol at the pope and shot him in the chest. After much pain and agony, John Paul recovered, and now he looked Agca in the eye, extended his hand, and said, "I forgive you."
Even though the pope forgave him, Agca still faced the consequences of his crime. He served a lengthy prison sentence until he finally was released years later.
Myth 6:
When your offender is punished, you'll find closure.On June 13, 1990, Linda Purnhagen saw her two daughters, Gracie, 16, and Tiffany, 9, for the last time. Dennis Dowthitt, a dangerously sick psychopath, strangled Tiffany to death, then raped Gracie and slit her throat. When authorities discovered the girls' bodies, they arrested and convicted Dowthitt, and scheduled his execution.
A decade later, as executioners strapped him to his death gurney, Dowthitt apologized for the savage killings. But not even his confession, apology, and execution brought closure for Linda. She was disappointed after the execution, not relieved.
We think we can more easily forgive others if they confess the crime and apologize for the pain they caused. But don't look to justice, imprisonment, or execution to bring needed closure and healing. Only forgiveness will do that.
We must rely on the Holy Spirit to impart the grace to forgive. Forgiveness does not mean that we ever forget but that we do let go!
Taken from: http://www.todayschristianwoman.com/
God Is At Work
Posted On: October 02, 2019
GOD IS AT WORK
God often sets the stage so that His glory is revealed through event's that He orchestrates.
God did this in my life. He delayed the fulfillment of what I believed He called me to do for several years. As God molded me,these delays provided the necessary preparation and greater glory that God was to receive.
Don't take delays lightly. Do not faint as God places you in what seems to be a holding pattern. God knows the purposes for His delays.
Don't give up, for they are for His greater glory, stay faithful in all you do!
By: BOB ARMSTRONG
Now Faith
Posted On: September 26, 2019
"Now" is defined as where we are living now, the immediate, the present moment. So Now means Now! Hebrews 11:1 says, "Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." The first thing we need to understand about faith is that it is NOW! Not the past nor the future but right NOW we need to have faith.
When I walked into the coffee shop this morning I had NOW faith. I went to sit down on a chair and trusted that as I sat down, right then, the chair would hold me up. I didn't stand there looking at the chair wondering if it would keep me up or if it might take a few more minutes to get ready to hold me up, no I knew right then, NOW, that it was built to hold me up. I had faith in the chair. Faith simply defined is complete trust in something or someone. So if we have NOW faith in the chair we sit in today, why don't we have faith in God.
Todays focus on faith is the word NOW so let us answer the NOW question. Our society has become what I call a "drive through" generation. In most parts of the world we have instant gratification. While sitting at this same coffee shop I saw a little girl about 4 years old pitching a fit because she wasn't getting her food NOW!! So what did her grandfather do? Instead of administering discipline to teach the child that she has to wait a minute, the grandfather tried all kinds of different antics to get her to calm down. Of course they didn't work!!
We struggle with NOW faith because we can't see or feel the God that we are suppose to have faith in and many times His plan is to make us into His vessel of honor not give us everything we want right NOW. God knows and sees everything and He has a plan. But the paradox is that He wants us to have NOW faith. Believe right NOW for the things we cannot see. So today just take a minute and tell God, I believe NOW that you have everything under control and continue to follow this teaching on Faith to learn more.
If you need to accept Jesus Christ in your life today, click here and get started on your journey in faith!
The Power of Interdependence
Posted On: September 19, 2019
God would have never given us the Great Commission to go into all the world and preach the gospel if He never intended for that to really happen. Second Peter 3:9 tells us that, “The Lord is not slow about His promise, as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing for any to perish but for all to come to repentance.” God would not say this if it were not possible. But none of us can do this alone. No Pastor can fulfill this calling by himself, no matter how gifted he may be.
At FWC, God has given us a Mission:
“Family Worship Center is a community of Spirit-Filled Believers committed to God’s Purpose of changing lives, by Worshipping God, leading others to Jesus, and building unified teams to reach and care for all in every stage of life”
This is our Mission. God is holding all of us accountable to fulfill the Mission He has given us. But we have to understand that none of us can do it alone. God never intended for us to do it alone. But, we can do it together.
Pastor Wayne Cordeiro, in his book, Doing Church As A Team, says:
“May we learn God’s design for His people and begin to respect and appreciate each other’s giftings. There are few things more beautiful to God than seeing His people serving and working together is a unified rhythm. It’s like a symphony to His ears. That’s how we were created to function. God has designed us to need each other! For us to reach our communities, much less the world, we will need every ministry doing it’s part and every member of the congregation excitedly doing church as a team.”
This is called “Interdependence”. Webster defines “Interdependence” as “a relationship in which each member is mutually dependent on the others”. The Apostle Paul basically says the same thing in Romans 12:4-5: “For just as we have many members in one body and all the members do not have the same function, so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another.” And again in First Corinthians 12:14-21: “For the body is not one member, but many. If the foot says, “Because I am not a hand, I am not a part of the body,” it is not for this reason any the less a part of the body. And if the ear says, “Because I am not an eye, I am not a part of the body,” it is not for this reason any the less a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole were hearing, where would the sense of smell be? But now God has placed the members, each one of them, in the body, just as He desired. If they were all one member, where would the body be? But now there are many members, but one body. And the eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you”; or again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.”
This is “Interdependence”. Interdependence is not the same as independence. Independence means “freedom from the control, influence, support, aid, or the like of others”. While this may sound good at face value, the truth is that one day you will look around and discover that you are all alone–that you do not have any support, any help, or any one around you to lift you up, to encourage you, or to work with you–and it’s then that you realize just how small and inadequate you really are. God never intended any of us to be this way. Having an independent spirit is a weakness, not a strength.
Stephen Covey, in his book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, says:
“Independent thinking alone is not suited to interdependent reality. Independent people who do not have the maturity to think and act interdependently may be good individual producers, but they won’t be good leaders or team players. They’re not coming from the paradigm of interdependence necessary to succeed in marriage, family, or organizational reality.”
If you are going to move forward in you personal life and enter into the place of fruitfulness and effectiveness that God has for you, then you are going to have to rid yourself of an independent spirit and embrace the power of Interdependence.
If your Church is going to move forward to a new level, and experience the level of effectiveness that God intends for it to function in, then it will have to rid itself of an independent spirit and embrace the power of Interdependence. There are no limits to what we can accomplish for God if we understand and embrace The Power of Interdependence.
Four Steps To Embrace Interdependence
1. See everybody as important:
Everybody has something to offer to the kingdom of God. God has a purpose and a plan for everyone reading this today. You are important to the plan of God! Two Stories in The Word Of God that illustrate this are found in Luke 19:1-10 and Luke 7:36-50. Take a minute and check it out.
2. Accept the fact that God has gifted everyone to serve:
Everyone has been given specific gifts from God to serve in some capacity. I don’t have every gift. You don’t have every gift. But I do have some God-Given gifts, and so do you! The Apostle Peter says,
“As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another as good stewards of the manifold grace of God” (1 Peter 4:10).
3. Rally around a common Mission:
Interdependence is not about “doing your own thing”. It’s about coming together to accomplish something much bigger than what you could ever do on your own. This is where you must know the Mission of your Church and keep it constantly before your leaders and your congregation. Genesis 11:4-8 is a great story of a group of people that were united around their mission. God said of them, “… nothing which they purpose to do will be impossible for them.” Take a minute and read it.
4. Get busy and go to work:
Lastly, there comes a time when you just have to join a team, get busy, and get it done! I have to do my part; You have to do your part. I have to carry part of the load; You have to carry part of the load. I don’t have to carry it all, and neither do you. But, each of us are expected by God to do our part.
The rewards of the Power of Interdependence is seen in the words of the Apostle Paul, “…As a result, we are no longer to be children, tossed here and there by waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by the trickery of men, by craftiness in deceitful scheming; but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love” (Ephesians 4:14-16).
This is Interdependence. This is what it’s going to take for you personally to experience a SHIFT. This is what it’s going to take for every Church to experience a SHIFT. It’s time to make the change. Don’t continue to stay in the rut you’re in. God has something better for you! Make the SHIFT; Experience The Power Of Interdependence!
Written by Pastor Johnny Moore @ http://ruralpastor.com/
Building Trust: God’s Word
Posted On: August 11, 2019
So my word that comes from my mouth will not return to me empty it will accomplish what I please. Isaiah 55:11
Yesterday, I wrote the devotion on trust. At the end I encouraged you, the reader, to remember that who you trust determines your destiny. It was David's trust in God when Saul was trying to kill him that preserved his life and allowed him to fulfill what God had for him. In the same way, it is your trust in God that will preserve your life and allow you to fulfill all God has for you.
I continued to think about what I wrote. It was inspiring to write and I hope it inspired you if you read it but honestly a command without a teaching of how is one of my greatest personal annoyances. I cannot stand it. I detest it and there is no other way to explain it except wrong. That is why today I wanted to talk about a way to build that trust, God's word.
Before a person can even make a decision to trust, they have to first know what they are trusting. When crisis hits and God is the only answer the reason why many people have a hard time hearing and trusting God is the simple fact that they don't really know him. Can you imagine having to go to a person you have hardly talked to for help if a life-altering event was happening? Reality is this is what we try to do with God many times.
How is it possible to get to know God for real? I mean really know him like a best friend.
First of all, God is God, there are things that even the most experienced Christians do not know. He is infinite and I believe we will spend eternity getting to know him. Don't let this discourage you let this encourage you. Who would want to serve a God they could figure out? Boring.
Second, though there are things we do not know, there he has revealed plenty to keep us occupied for a lifetime. He has given us 66 books bound together in one (a.k.a. The Bible) that declare who he is. Studying these books are a great concrete way of beginning to get to know him. Even those of us as Christians, including myself (even as a theology major! how wrong? inexcusable!), tend to neglect this resource. If we as christians (or as persons interested in being christians) are serious about knowing God we need to get serious about using what God has already given us.
In his word, he declares that if a word comes from his mouth that it will not return to him empty and it will accomplish what he pleases. This truth is a great beginning point of trust and knowledge of God. If you desire to trust God, or to trust him more take hold of this promise. Declare it over your life. Declare it until you believe it because it is true.
One of the foundational principles of God's character is his faithfulness. His love does not fail. In order to grab a hold of him, you must believe this about him.
If you are struggling to trust him or need to trust him more, here is what I know to tell you.
1. Believe his word
This sounds easy but many times is challenging. We have this thing called our flesh that hinders us and rebels from the knowledge of God. It is by constant repetition of God's word that the flesh dies and the spirit rises. We are transformed by the renewing of our minds to God's word. If you are struggling to believe him, look up some of the promises of scripture and take some time to say them until you believe. This is not some magical process that by saying the promises you automatically believe them. The reason I'm encouraging this is because by taking some time to look up the promises and saying them you are making a decision to believe that they are true and you are learning them. It is not incantation but praying these promises that causes you to believe them and allows God to make them manifest in your life.
2. Pray
I hit on this in the last sentence of believing his word. In order to know God, you have to begin communicating with him. Ask him questions. Tell him how you feel. Ask him how he feels and what he thinks. Do not be afraid he longs to hear from you.
Trusting God and believing in him is a life-long pursuit more than a blog can cover. These are a few ways to begin and these are things that have to be continually worked on no matter how mature you are as a christian. In sports, a huge part of continuing in excellence is continuing to practice the fundamentals. If the fundamentals begin to weaken, the whole game falls apart. It is the same in the Christian life. My theology degree is worthless absolutely worthless if I do not continue to build my faith in God's word and if I do not pray. In the same way, it is worthless for mature christians to know this or that and not believe in his word and pray.
All of this is easy in the sense that it does not require a high degree or intellect but it is difficult in the sense that it requires continual discipline. It is not a one time and its finished kind of thing. It is a continual life long effort that requires sacrifice over and over again.
I have said all of this to encourage you to get to know God. It is possible. Just take the time to get to know his word and pray!
By: Danielle O'Neil @danielleoneil.com
God’s Perfect Timing
Posted On: August 02, 2019
"But let endurance and steadfastness and patience have full play and do a thorough work, so that you may be perfectly and fully developed, lacking in nothing." -James 1:4
We all have plans for our lives. We're constantly looking forward to the future, dwelling on the next step in our lives. However, it's hard to understand that sometimes God has His own plan for our lives. He sees things a little differently.
We must learn to wait on God's timing, or we will be miserable trying to force things into our lives that do not belong there.
Joyce Mayer's describes God's timing as, "We are God's building under construction. He is the Master Builder, and He knows wha He is doing."
Patience is a fruit of the Spirit, and It is not something that comes natural to our human nature. Therefore, we must CHOOSE to walk in patience.
Take heart though! The Lord is doing a good work, so the wait is well worth it!
